Twirling petals.
I feel like i'm sinking deeper and deeper down. As if i'm in quicksand. It's as if the more i struggle the deeper i fall in. Feeling the sand piling in beneath my feet. Or maybe it feels like the bottom of the hourglass, all the sand showering down on you. Maybe it's like the waterfall, the water drumming down and pounding on and about you. Maybe i'm diving down into a blue hole. It feels depressingly calm, a peculiar quiescence. I have a heavy heart, but it feels apart.
I get the yeuk, this itchy sensation to do something. Creeping up behind an animal, hiding behind a tree, feel the echos of crispy leaves shifting under your feet ringing about the forest. Feel the shadow swaying with the wind, bits of light streaming from the canopy. Diving down to the bottom of the sea and feel the water welcoming you, engulfing you, as you plunge into its warm embrace. Feel the cool of the wind and the twist of a twig. The still and motionless, within.
I recall i once had that feeling, a really detached feeling. But i lost it in a sleep. I had a taste of it, and can never forget it. There is no yearning or longing, just searching. Up till now, i cannot find what made me so sure of every step, what made me find that peace. But why did it break? Inner peace can be disrupted if the will is not hard, and maybe my roots of peace were not as deep. We live our lives to seek a goal, to find a place to reside in, anytime, anywhere. And that can only be in your minds and hearts. Happiness is part of peace to me, although a quite detached one, it is more even and calm. I like that feeling.
For all i know, tomorrow might be a better day.
